Ravi
spotted his favourite tauji, seated under the banyan tree as usual, smoking his
cigar. A school of languid men roared with laughter at the prangs and pangs of
this mischievous man. Every day they long to gather at the tree by dusk to
discuss everything and anything from politics to the brand of the hair dye the
mistress of the hairless headman uses.
“Pranam
tauji” Ravi said touching the feet of the elderly man.
“Oh
Ravi! My boy. When did you return from the city?” tauji perked up at the sight
of this docile youngster. He noticed the pencil thin moustache Ravi sported and
chuckled to himself. ‘The boy will soon grow up to be a man of honour’ his
heart told him. ‘He will be the first ever doctor of the clans’.
“Yesterday
night Tauji. We have a vacation of 15 days” replied Ravi trying to sound not
too excited.
“Oh
well! In that case lets have some fun” Tauji said. He trashed the cigar with
his tattered chappal only to light up another.
“Oh
tauji! You are such a chain smoker. Why don’t you quit smoking?” Ravi mustered
his courage and doled out the advice he always wanted to give. Perhaps the city
waters are getting to him.
Tauji
guffawed “oiii! Then what about my 10 benefits of smoking? I will be at a
terrible loss. You may have sprouted a moustache but you are still a gullible
baby to my eyes. Thek hai?”
“Benefits
of smoking?” An astounded Ravi asked. He is aware of his classmates stealing a
puff or two between study breaks claiming the Stimulant action of nicotine on
central nervous system and brain. But he preferred cup full of caffeine over
puff full of nicotine to combat his drowsiness.
“Oye!
Smoking is beneficial? Sunao sunao. We would love to know those perks”
cacophony broke among Tauji’s club at the mention of fringe benefits of
smoking.
“Benefit
No.1: My cigar beholds my masculinity. Parvathi says I look sexy with a cigar
rolling between my lips.” His cronies wolf whistled at the mention of the ever
youthful Parvathi. ‘But then Laxmi never liked the whiff of the cigar. She refuses
to get intimate when I smoke’ Tauji spoke
of Tayiji distastefully.
“All
wives are old schoolers” somebody agreed.
“Benefit
No 2: You need not cook any food yet your neighbours think high of you. ‘Arey who dekho! Smoke from tauji’s kitchen.
It smells strong too. Perhaps a chicken cuisine again!’
‘Ha
ha haa! That’s a good one’ one of them complimented. Tauji continued stroking
his moustache.
“Benefit
No.3: You will never have flair of relatives…..especially from your wife’s end.
The smoke drives them away”. Ravi sighed. He got the cue. His tauji is in the
‘I-Am-being-Naughty’ mood again. “Nor mosquitos…nor house flies…nor
cockroaches. Consider that’s Benefit No.4” Few more laughs.
“Benefit No.5: It gives you a wizened look.
When you don’t know the answer take a puff and pretend to think” Tauji winked
at Ravi.
‘Unfortunately
that doesn’t help us in the seminars, reviews and interviews’ Ravi replied
sarcastically
.
“Benefit
No.6: wives of smokers do not pester them to buy gold”. Somebody smirked. “They
are too busy pestering us to quit smoking…Ha ha haa….”
“Benefit
no.7: It protects you against dog bites” Tauji declared.
“Howz
that?” Ravi asked incredulously.
“you
may need to carry a stick due to calf cramps…and No bitch will dare to cross
paths with you” he boasted. Lesser laughs from Tauji’s club. Ravi smiled. He knew
where his Tauji is leading them. “That’s a disease called Thromboangitis
obliterans tauji. Nicotine plaques block the blood supply of the legs and cause
cramps. Sometimes it ends up with amputation of that limb” Ravi added knowledgably.
Gasps from the clan.
“Never
mind. Benefit No.8: Burglars never dare to step foot at your place. You see!
You cough all night and they can hardly figure out whether you are awake or
asleep.” No more laughs. A picture of a man coughing copious amounts of blood
coloured their imagination.
“Benefit No.9: It’s a natural contraceptive”
People starred at Tauji. “You are rendered impotent” he said point blank.
Nobody met his eye.
“Benefit
no. 10: Smoking is age defying” he declared pompously. Nobody asked for a
“How?” They as much expected a witty follow through. “Smokers die young” Tauji
concluded. Pin drop silence. People introspected. Struggled to make decisions. Hesitated
to come to conclusions.
Taking
a leaf from Tauji’s book Ravi broke the silence saying “smoking kills
slowly…but who is in a hurry to die?” The fellowship of Banayan tree praised
Ravi’s timely wit and humour and how he inherited those genes from his Tauji
before they dispersed.
“Tauji!
Do you remember what day it is tomorrow?” Ravi asked his tauji.
“31st
may?” Tauji scratched his bald head thinking. “The day your tayiji passed away”
he said sounding from the bottom of a well.
“Yes!
It’s THE WORLDS NO TOBACCO DAY as well. Please quit smoking and set an example
for the iron willed person you are” Ravi requested his tauji. “I will help you
in the process. There are nicotine patches, chewing gums, LED cigars which
helps a person to cut down his nicotine supplies on a daily basis and finally
leap over to QUIT. Trust me you will not suffer the withdrawl.
Tauji
had a forlorn look on his face which mirrored what he thought. Of what good my life is without Laxmi?
“Tayiji
died because of passive smoking. How else do you think she acquired lung
cancer. This is the true tribute you can pay her. Let there be no more deaths
due to smoking in our village” Ravi persuaded. Tauji smiled at this
enthusiastic budding doctor and nodded his approval.
RELATED SITES:
RELATED SITES:
E-CIGRATTE http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electronic_cigarette
NICOTINE PATCHES http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicotine_patch
NICOTINEGUMS http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicotine_gum
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