The Stories of sore nipples start with a bite and end with a burp. There is another “B” somewhere in between. Either a ‘bottle’ or the ‘breast’. The choice is the mother’s very own. Few mothers choose to ‘express’ their love and bottle it up. And these expressions are inexpressible.
These stories are often spoken in hushed tones behind closed
doors. They never claim the lime light unlike the birthing adventures and the
heroic bearing of labor pains. Even if a woman, working and dynamic, does cross
the line and dare to speak of her feeding experience, she coats it with a
little of butter and sugar, perhaps to enhance the palatability. But if we shed
away those rose tinted glasses, feeding pains can be worse than the birth pangs,
especially for those who skipped the pains of NVD (normal vaginal delivery) in
this era of epidurals and caesarians. However, most mums choose to embrace
these pains with tears of joy. And that precisely is why all the breast feeding
mothers are hailed super heros without caps and shields.
If I were not a pediatrician, if I haven’t won every seminar
during the breast feeding weeks in my post grad years, if I haven’t encouraged
women of our RHC to breast feed during my years after my post-graduation, if I
haven’t pledged my life to endorse breast feeding to all of my patients, I
could have gave up breast feeding with a hypocritical “I wish I could breast
feed but I don’t have enough milk.” But I know better. I know that breast milk
has no replacement. I know that it is better to shield my baby with the
immunity imparted by the breast milk than throw her susceptible to infections
stomached by the pretty feeding bottles. I know that the breast fed babies are
smarter than otherwise (they have 7 points of IQ higher than formula fed
babies).
When I held my baby for the first time, I had zero doubts
with cent confidence. Little did I know that the volumes of textbooks could not
prepare me enough for the practical. The nursing staff had been great with
rooming in and helping the baby to latch. I was ecstatic when I witnessed
little pearls of colostrum beading up within an hour of my delivery. The baby
latched on perfectly. I wondered if god gives them a tutorial on survival
basics before bundling them up.
The baby was all calm and comfy. She was peeing throughout
the day as if saying “Don’t worry mamma. I have enough water in my system.” So,
I hardly thought of a top up. I was on my feet in less than 24 hours after my
c-section despite the pain. I was served palak soup and a glass of milk with a
spoonful of galactules. By the end of second day, she needed a top-up despite
my 2nd hourly feeds. It was kind of expected. I asked the nurse to
give her 15 ml of formula feed with a syringe. I made sure she is not given a
bottle which can potentially confuse her. You see! Sucking at the breast and
the bottle aren’t the same and it can end up in nipple confusion. I was served
delicious soft solid diet and I kept my fingers crossed for the surge of
lactation.
As promised I woke up with a heavy bosom on day 3. I
fastened the feeding pillow around my waist and took the baby to feed. She was
hungry and very happy at the prospect of a feed, kicking her hands and feet in
excitement. She just couldn’t wait. I latched her on. It was then I experienced
a pain like never before. I yelped and pulled her off in a reflex. That was
another mistake in the hind sight. She held on to the tip of the teat with her
gums which worsened the pain. I gave up feeding for time being. The top ups
escalated from 15ml to 30 ml and then from 30 ml to 60 ml. By the end of the
day my nipples appeared red and sore and my breasts were engorged. The milk
inside the glands felt like a bunch of pins and needles, fighting for a let
out. I expressed it and bottled it up. It
was a tedious task. My neck, back and
hands started to hurt. ‘How did my mum handle all of this when I was born?’ I thought.
I remember one of my friends, Sailaja quoting, “once we experience motherhood,
we realize how priceless our mothers are”
The next day I tried again. She held on to the boobs tightly
with her gums. May be she felt they might slip away otherwise or that I may
pull away like I did before. I howled in pain but this time I didn’t pull away.
By the time she is done I was in tears. This went on for a couple of days. I
tried to feed her despite my sore nipples hoping that it would get better any
time. Unfortunately nipple shields didn’t work with me (Later I learnt my
technique was wrong. There was air between the shield and my teat which should
have been filled up with milk. So it didn’t adhere well to my skin and the baby
was biting at the tip of my teat again). Nor did the breast pumps (high
voltages blew them up). I applied Lanoshish
cream to soothe my sore nipples. As the older bites healed, newer ones
appeared. What can be worse than a combination of sore nipples with breast
engorgement? You can’t feed. You can’t stop feeding.
Two weeks down the lane, I was feeding her round the clock but
with great apprehension and with a lot of yelping and howling. Everybody
including my mum, dad and hubby recommended a feeding bottle whenever the baby
cried. They would often say “perhaps you aren’t secreting enough milk.” That
would piss me off for sure. What can be worse than a combination of sore
nipples with breast engorgement? This demoralization! PERIOD. The feeding bottle creeped in to our
household despite my disapproval. The baby had a distaste for the formula milk.
So, I continued to express and bottle it up whenever I can. I call it “A bottle
of love” while the formula felt like “A bottle of helplessness.”
Meanwhile mum brought up the suggestion of “Patyam” – the
fancy word for food faddism. “Play along with your parents. Fighting against
them makes you suffer alone” advised my fellow pediatrician Dr.Deepthi Florence.
Initially Mum suggested me to eat a lot of ginger-garlic, badam, beads and
oats, fenugreek and few other galactogogues which enhance milk production to
which I agreed. She suggested some kasturi tablets from Ayurveda to which I
disagreed. We had tiffs every now and then. The baby developed colic. I found
suggestions pouring in. Our cook says “Amma! Avoid lot of dairy products”, The
neighbor says “mutton is good for wound healing but chicken makes you hot”, the
maid says “avoid brinjal, snake guard, cauliflower, cabbage madamji”, aunt says
“avoid gassy foods like dal and green leafy veggies da.”
People seemed to forget often that I was a pediatrician. I
have put a strong foot down. I always advised my patients to eat healthy and I
have a clear idea on what healthy is! I took milk n badam twice daily. Dates
were never to miss. I made sure my diet is balanced with proteins and fibers. The
colic regressed on its own despite me sticking on with my NON-PATYAM DIET.
I took the reins under control. It’s time to master the art
of feeding. “Practice what you preach” I told myself. I would wait until the
baby cries with her mouth wide open. I would protect the tip of the nipple with
thumb and index finger as I insert it in to the baby’s mouth. Over a count of
10 the pain recedes. I stare at the ticking minute’s hand of the wall clock.
After 20-30 min I burp the child, change her diaper (as her bowel is too
twitchy at the moment passing stools with every feed), and then change her to
the other side. She would drift to sleep while sucking there. While removing
the teat, I would again take care that she doesn’t bite me, by inserting a
(clean and washed) little finger in to her mouth. Hurray! I would pat myself on
the back after each feed as the baby smiles in her blissful siesta. The baby
aroma in her burp is so intoxicating (like entanox- inhalational nitrous oxide)
that it makes pains pleasurable.
The baby is now a month old. The pains are history. This
experience definitely makes me a better doctor. Maternal instincts spreads the
knowledge beyond the horizons of the textbooks. “you are not a complete
pediatrician until you experience motherhood” says my fellow pediatrician Dr.Swetha
priya. The feeding bottles are now
locked up in the cupboard. They can wait for half a year before I sterilize
them again to bottle up my love.
Dear budding mommies, if you want to choose the best for your baby, kindly choose B for breast feeds rather than B for bottles! PERIOD.
Dear budding mommies, if you want to choose the best for your baby, kindly choose B for breast feeds rather than B for bottles! PERIOD.
P.S: I resigned my job (I worked as a senior resident of
pediatrics in Apollo Cradle, Chennai) to be a full time mom. When I go back to
work (that is after six months) I intend to work on hourly shifts. The hospital
is quite nearby my residence. I could either come and give her a quick feed or pump
and refrigerate the milk.
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