Snoring circus

                                                           

When I was asked what kind of a guy I would like to get married to, I would answer without hesitation, a teetotaller who doesn't snore at all. Imagine sleeping every night in a railway coupe. I agree you have a cosy bed, A/C and duvets but You can hardly sleep in the belly of a rattling rhino. So I prayed god, every night when I am pestered by my dad's snores, to get me married to a snore free hulk.

Dad's snores are like the roars of a lion. I often had these night mares and night terrors of wildest possible imaginations when I was a child. At times I would pinch his nose to stop him snore but he shooooos me away like a baby mosquito. I had to put up with him. Then my mum took to snoring. She snores like the whistle of a constable or rather the whip of a ring master. So all the lions inside my head submitted themselves to the ring masters mercy but the cruel trainer lashes her whip on those caged beasts every now and then.

When I complain in the morning "Mom you are snoring" she would treat me like the prankster which I am and choose to ignore me. "Chi Chi! I never snore. My mother never did. My grandmother never snored. Why will I snore when it is not in my jeans (genes) ?" Awake or asleep, the lion king knows better than to mess with her. He plays dumb and deaf. I tried to follow his pursuit unsuccessfully.

Pissed off, one day or rather one night I captured an AV of her snoring. Though caught in the act she denied that it's a fake video, edited, morphed or something she doesn't know much of. After the phase of denial, came the creeping acceptance. She googled the etiology of snoring before she rushed to her physician.

"It's the thyroid pressing on my windpipe. I am sure"  she wailed. The doc assured her that her goiter (thyroid swelling) is not big enough to compress her trachea.

"It must be the adenoids then. I often catch cold" she complained wiping her leaky nose. The doc explained her that adenoids is a childhood ailment and that she is perfectly alright. "Its your over weight that makes you snore madam. you should diet" he concluded. She avoided him and his advise like a bitter potion and walked back her way.

My tolerance to the snoring circus grew miraculously higher until a new inmate joined the club. A hippo? A rhino? A whale? I am not sure what a beast it is but it sure quaked the earth. I'm jerked awake in an adrenaline drive to run away but I found myself rocking on my cot. It took a while to unclog my head and trace the source of commotion. My mighty brother sleeping in the other room is having a whale of a time, so much so that he set the floor dancing.

I prayed god once again "O god! send my saviour, my surname changer, my licence giver, my home shifter, my visa n passport bearer, the one who can make me cross the turmeric smeared threshold and make me feel the wind beneath my wings. Amen"

God answered my call...but in his own way. I got to fly with my bags packed. I slept in pin drop silence at my new abode. I rolled right. I rolled left. I couldn't sleep. To my utmost surprise I found the pin drop silence annoying. I missed Dad. I realized I'm addicted to his mighty snores. It gave me a secure aura saying "I am there for you my little girl". It was my lullaby. My narcotic. My anaesthetic. My relaxant. My euphoriant. "Oh Dad! I really miss u"

I cuddled up in to a ball like a baby in a womb trying to catchy my forty winks. It is then that I heard this cooing dove snore. I turned around to find my hubby snoring subtly. It is quiet a sight to watch this macho gymster snore like a baby and I loved it. I thanked god and slept with a smile playing on my lips as I enjoyed my new lullaby.